Into the unknown

Last year was all about being a mother. I started 2011 by finishing my employment and my studies. The whole year was about focusing on this new little person in my life. I knew what I was going to do until december.  Now, on the second day of 2012 that comforting time has ended and I’m sitting with a long “to-do”-list in front of me. Totally unaware of what the next step will be. I am looking out the window, which is quite far up, but I can only see a couple of rows of roofs and then a fog covers the rest of my view. The light is gloomy and only a few neighbours have lit their christmas lights. The view is like a window of my mind. I’ve always made sure I have work or something to look forward to, but that has also meant that I’ve had to take jobs just to have an income. So this insecure spot I’ve placed myself in is making me very anxious. I could easily get a job I don’t want. But this time I’ve decided to take a leap into the unknown. I am making room for the things I want to have in my life and it scares the hell out of me. Yet, it’s just the second day of the new year. And though I can only see as far as the roofs I have to trust that there is something great beyond the fog. I have to be naive and believe in the possibilities and not try to save myself from a situation that probably wont happen. I have to admit I’m inspired by all the people in north Africa that have fought for a better life. They started small but by just believing in themselves they’ve achieved great things. They are roll models for the children that are growing up now and I want to be a good roll model for my son. I want to be a happy mother. To be happy, I have to take that leap into the unknown.

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